i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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