I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
