I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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