Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
