he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
