My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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