btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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