Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
