So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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