Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
