Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
