umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
