you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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