Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
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