he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize