That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
