I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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