I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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