my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
