The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
