Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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