see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
