Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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