He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
