just come out here and I will go home with you...
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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