Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
