I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
