Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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