yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
The feeling are messing with the penis
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
