i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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