There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
