Say something about gay babies.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I need a burrito and a hug.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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