you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
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My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
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I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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