i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
