I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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