What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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