did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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