He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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