We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
40s are totally the cure
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
