its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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