No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
