We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
