Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
