can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
