Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
