Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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