can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
