the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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