i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
