he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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