Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
