Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
