he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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