I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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