Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm way too hungover for life right now
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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