my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
