so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
