I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
