Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
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