Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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